Embracing your abilities

“There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky. And you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, What if you fly?”--Erin Hanson

Over the past several years, I’ve noticed a common coupling of two themes in my work with women who are in mid-life and perhaps mid-career. The first is this notion or fear that they are “overconfident” in their abilities. The second is that they self identify as being insecure in their abilities, which they feel prevents them from trying new things, taking on new responsibilities, or working towards certain goals in their personal lives or careers. Overconfidence and insecurity are two seemingly contradictory experiences, right? Maybe not.  

When I was nearing the end of graduate school, I brought my resume to career services for a specialist to review. The best piece of advice he gave me was not technical or specific, but it has stuck with me for over two decades. He said,  “Women almost always underestimate their accomplishments and skills.” He asked that I keep this in mind as I embark on a career and build experience in my field. 

Given this, I ask you to consider: Is this fear of being overconfident or feeling of insecurity in your abilities actually simply confidence and competence? Have our previous experiences and the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) but pervasive messages of the patriarchy (a system of relationships, beliefs, and values embedded in political, social, and economic systems that structure gender inequality) conditioned us to associate discomfort with the action of leaning into the talents and expertise we have spent years cultivating? What if you asked yourself these questions when faced with the opportunity to accomplish something new or demonstrate your skills in a different way? My bet? You will get it done, it will be easier than you expected, you may even enjoy yourself in the process, and you will wonder why you ever doubted yourself.