Reading For Empathy
“Fiction gives us empathy: it puts us inside the minds of other people, gives us the gifts of seeing the world through their eyes. Fiction is a lie that tells us true things, over and over.”― Neil Gaiman
“The only effect I ardently long to produce by my writings, is that those who read them should be better able to imagine and to feel the pains and the joys of those who differ from them in everything but the broad fact of being struggling, erring human creatures.”-- George Eliot
I have become an avid reader over the past several years. Initially I felt it was mostly the escape that I appreciated; the break from reality that I craved. But I have more recently noted that the types of books I gravitate towards, while they may reflect circumstances different from my reality, have allowed me to step into and better imagine the realities of others. It is in fact this process that I crave when I read. Reading through this revelation has expanded my capacity for empathy, compelled me to more intentionally act on empathy, and helped me become a better therapist and social worker. When I first saw the above quote by Neil Gaiman, I felt as if he had pulled all of the randomly firing thoughts about this from my brain and compiled them into two succinct sentences that perfectly describe what this process has been for me. Non-fiction has played a large role in this process as well. In the spirit of end of year “top” lists, I have listed below 5 of my top empathy expanding books. (Content warning: sexual assault)
Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson (Non-fiction)
This stunning memoir written by lawyer, social justice activist, founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, and law professor, Bryan Stevenson, exposes the humanity of individuals who are incarcerated; with a focus on those subject to solitary confinement and living on death row, many for crimes they did not commit or took part in as children. He makes a stark connection to how our system of incarceration disproportionately impacts Black men and their families, individuals with developmental disabilities, and how emotional and physical trauma in childhood is perpetuated over the life cycle. Given this, choosing to sentence juveniles to “die in prison” (life sentence) does not only not make good sense developmentally, it is also extremely cruel and inhumane. Prior to reading this book, I was opposed to the death penalty, and wondered how we can reasonably expect rehabilitation with our prison system being what it is currently, but it wasn’t something I really thought about too much. Since then, I have made it a priority to better understand and support justice reform efforts, as well as to better assess and explore how racism impacts the clients I work with.
2. A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum (Fiction)
A breathtaking (I literally found I was holding my breath at times while reading) and emotionally challenging read at times, this novel explores the lives of three generations of Palestinian-American women, and addresses multiple themes including intergenerational family dynamics, family secrets, immigration, and the at times blurry line between cultural and religious expectations and abuse and isolation; wherein the former, in certain circumstances, is used to justify or give cover to the latter. As a social worker and mental health professional, it is important that I stay curious about a client’s individualized lived experience within the context of their culture and religion in an effort to discern and appreciate these beliefs while also being attuned to aspects that might be putting them at risk for emotional or physical harm. This book has underscored the significance of my leaning in and asking questions to seek additional understanding of how the people I work with are specifically impacted or guided by their relationship with their culture. This ongoing assessment component is essential to my being an effective and supportive therapist.
3. This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel (Fiction)
This novel chronicles a family’s journey after their youngest child comes out as transgender in early childhood. Driven by unconditional love and a desire to both protect and allow their child to thrive, they make a series of decisions that impact all members of the family system in varied ways. This book is craftily written in such a way that you see the experience from different perspectives and are left to consider that the path forward for families seeking to support their children for who they are is complicated by societal expectations and responses. It is my obligation as a social worker to recognize this, give voice to it, and advocate for trans/nonbinary/queer kids and their families. More universally, This Is How It Always Is highlights the challenges of balancing and prioritizing the needs of all members within a family system, particularly when you have determined one family member is, in your estimation, the most vulnerable. This is a valuable insight that informs my work. Finally, a theme that clearly emerges is one of familial love. As someone who focuses on strengths, this is a huge one to me. There’s a whole lot of love in this family, and that helps to carry them through.
4. There There by Tommy Orange (Fiction)
My full disclosure here is that prior to reading There There, I had really only considered Native American communities in the context of living on reservations, somewhat isolated from the larger community. This beautiful and heart-wrenching novel really opened my eyes to a segment of our society that had been previously invisible to me: Indigenous people residing in urban communities. This book provides a stark look at the unique challenges of embracing and maintaining the cultures and traditions at risk of being forgotten while attempting to build lives amid generations of systemic marginalization and devaluation. The characters Tommy Orange creates are complex-lovable and flawed, just like all of us, and I felt connected to all of them in some way almost immediately.
5. Know My Name by Chanel Miller (Non-fiction)
In this book, Chanel Miller details her experience before and after Brock Turner sexually assaulted her while she was unconscious in 2015; from the bystanders who caught and stopped him, to her experience with healthcare providers and detectives, to her response to the trauma and the impact on her mental health, to the trial, to how she endured and persevered to make sure others who have been assaulted know they are not alone. Chanel Miller’s willingness to speak so truthfully and vulnerably, and her ability to write so clearly and eloquently, make this memoir a gift to anyone who works with or cares about anyone who is a survivor of sexual violence. Her descriptions of what actions by others after her assault were supportive and affirming compared to those that were painful and harmful have absolutely informed my practice. In addition, I appreciated the opportunity to understand how her sense of self and relationships were impacted by this trauma. In the spirit of dismantling rape culture and replacing it with consent culture, I also feel older adolescents and young adults would benefit greatly from reading this memoir in a supportive context.
What books do you feel have expanded your capacity for empathy? Do you have one to add to the list? Email me at contact@JillScottTherapy.com.